FOR YOUR EYES ONLY:- I, Me and Myself

Hey you all beautiful people! This is Madhura Kulkarni (duh!). Now you might all be wondering why does she have a blog? And it’s a valid question too. Am I famous? No. Actually of the 120 people in my division of college I attended for two years, fewer than 20 know me and only about 10 people know my name (I hope). So we have established that I am not popular or a teen celebrity. Also I am barely an adult so I don’t have any worldly wisdom to impart. So why do I have my own blog? See, growing up I have observed this that I have an opinion(s) on everything—ranging from what sari my mom should drape for my sister’s best friend’s aunt’s house warming party (yes we are that sort of people who try and attend every function we are invited to and no not for the food. Ok maybe I attend for the food, but not my family) to why FDI is actually good news. And all these opinions inside me, I HAVE to get them out; I can’t keep them all in. And well, blogging seems like a better option than the talking to yourself or muttering like you just escaped Yearawada facility. And see its working! I am very comfortably sitting on my bedroom floor typing away on my laptop and the best part—you are actually reading this. See? So much better than muttering to yourself.Since this is my very first blog post, I figured I should introduce myself. In sense, you should get to know me. No I am not talking about my name, address and age and all—I am not going to put all that stuff on my blog (in case you are a psycho stalker);  I am talking about getting to know me as a person. This is also because I can’t figure out what else to write about and I really don’t want to scare you off by talking about how UN is just USA’s lapdog; or about current political scenario of India (though I will come back to that later). I have compiled a list of ten things that most people don’t know about me but definitely should.

1.       I automatically like you if you like books, dogs and food, though not necessarily in the same order. I automatically love you if you buy me books, my dogs love you or you take me out for food (and foot the bill).

2.       I automatically dislike you if you: 

(i)Write like ‘hy, u r jus amzng. Rly, lyk I mn u r so smrt.” I ABSOLUTELY ABHOR ANYONE WHO WRITES LIKE THIS. It does not take more than 0.25 seconds to type proper spelling or use proper syntax. How long does it take to type a 'w' after ‘kno’ or ‘are’ rather than 'r'? Not too much time. Ok, I am willing to make exceptions for people who work all day and have more pressing concerns than proper syntax; but not for those whose idea of work is playing GTA (Grand Theft Auto) all day or shopping and in general gossiping. If you have time and energy to gossip, you have time for typing out full words.  And how hard can it be? Most phones and devices even have predictive text. Anyone who writes in the afore-mentioned way, is purely insulting English language and Oxford English dictionary third edition—which by the way, took 35 million pounds from its making to publishing. People might helpfully remind me that three years ago I was in the same league typing away without a care for the language. But also three years ago I was an idiot. Not just any idiot either, a juvenile idiot. And my recovery from it gives me hope that others can recover from this affliction too. (it is okay if you are using it in a sarcastic way to mock this trend itself)  

(ii) I also dislike you if you use wrong phrases at the wrong time. Especially ‘lol’ eg. “Lol we missed you yesterday.” What is that? I am laughing out loud because I am hysterical because I missed you yesterday? Or eg #2 “I just realised I like dancing LMFAO.” Seriously people who write like this have to be high all the time. Why else would anyone write like this? 

3.       I like using words like “confounding’ and ‘delinquent’ when I can just say ‘puzzling' and ‘criminal’ instead. I also like words based on their sounds. For example epiphany, confabulation, catharsis. I just love the way they sound. Don’t you?

4.       My level of awkwardness and social anxiety depends on lunar calendar and the age of people in my company. If you are over thirty, conversation is a breeze, I am warm, witty and appropriate. If, however, you aren’t, I clam up—especially if you are close to my age. I fumble through words, say inappropriate things, I am awkward and speak with a squeaky voice. Also things sound better in my head or on paper. When I actually say them out loud I realise they are not actually that funny. Also my sense of humour goes out the window. This is worse if you are someone I look up to or want to look good in front of.

5.       My music choice is eclectic. No eclectic isn’t an adequate word. It is far more er…. random than that. I listen to everything from Beatles to Maroon 5 from Cold Play to Imagine Dragons, Plain White T’s to Snow Patrol to Greenday and also the lesser known ‘Mostar Diving Club’, ‘Superchick’ and ‘Cascada’, MS MR, Lifehouse I also love solo artists like Taylor Swift (so no you don’t get to trash talk her when I am there), Ingrid Michaelson, Inara George, Kylie England, Keith Urban, Landon Pigg,  Agnes Obel, Christina Perri, Greg Lasswell, Andrew Belle, Enrique, Feist, Lorde (sometimes),  Taio Cruz, Katie Costello, Kesha. Also Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Louis Armstrong, Whitney Houston and etcetra etcetra. As if it isn’t enough, I also love Bollywood songs (old and new) and Marathi songs too. That is why I cant keep my music player on shuffle. I once had a heart attack when it played ‘Tum Aa Gaye Ho’ (Aandhi-1975), Radioactive (Imagine dragons) and Dancing Queen (Mamma Mia-movie, not the Broadway version) back to back. But I love it all. Music is beautiful audible bliss. Nothing has as much power to inspire or impact our minds as music. And something that brings so much joy to us shouldn’t be judged.

6.        My family is important to me. I have the coolest parents possible and cutest annoying siblings ever. My mom and dad wanted me to pursue arts as I love English and writing but also supported my decision to try science and try and get into medicine.  Also they have been staying apart for almost 9 years now as my dad works in Mumbai and me and mom stay in Pune—all for the sake of my education. I don’t know what I have done to deserve them and seven lives worth of my trying won’t repay what all they have sacrificed for me. I only hope I can be even half as good as either of them someday. And my grandparents are on facebook, operate it better than most people. Also they are both pro at operating internet. My grandma surfs internet looking searching new recipes and grandpa uses it for whatever information he feels he should have—history, geography, countries, politics, news. Yes, it is okay to be jealous. While I don’t have any siblings of my own, I and my cousins are just as close. Anyone who says family is over-rated hasn't had the fortune of being born into a family as awesome as mine. Yes they are all annoying sometimes, we all have our moments but the good times outweigh the bad.

7.       I want to lose weight. No, seriously, I do . But food wins over diet and sleep wins over gym. And while swimming is an excellent form of exercise, once in the swimming pool, I am content to just float rather than swim. And I am too lazy and impatient for yoga.

8.       I am not as innocent as I look. I know have cherub cheeks and barely-there eyes that are brimming with innocence. No don’t be incredulous, I have a devious, dirty mind. I tried telling this to my college friends, and they were like, “Yeah nice try Bambi” and the other one went “you shouldn't have to tell us that” and I said “No, trust me, I swear to god, I have a devious, dirty mind” they just laughed meanly. But those who know me closely are well aware of this trait of mine.

9.       I am uncomplicated; an open book. And I have no reservations about being one. I try to be diplomatic, I don’t like hurting people. Also I find it hard to stay mad at anyone for long periods of time. But I don’t appreciate being lied to.

10.   If you haven’t figured this out by now— I am simply, purely amazing.

So now that you know me a tad bit better, I hope you stick with me; we will have a great time talking about books, music, politics, social issues and life in general! I promise not to whine....too much.